Dustin, Alicia & James

I am just having such a fun time with these great little boys of mine. I thought again and again that it would be so hard to have a new baby and a two year old, but they are so good and so much fun. I’m fortunate that Cameron for the most part is a calm, easy baby. He does have reflux, but it showed up shortly before his last checkup and we were able to get him on the medication pretty quickly. He sleeps through the night which is such a wonderful blessing, I don’t know how I got up with JJ in the night for so long.

JJ is our little singer, we always catch him singing and humming. Here’s a favorite:

Cameron, although not quite singing yet, is quite cute with his darling smiles and coos.

This was a few weeks ago. It is infinitely harder to take good pictures and video when you have a two year old running around. My advice to first time parents is not to take a gazillion pictures of your first child, so that your subsequent children don’t feel so bad. I’m halfway kidding about that, but it’s been tricky!

Ever since the new year, I’ve been feeling a major drive to get organized. I don’t know if it’s that I finally have energy again or what, but I’ve been cleaning out closets and drawers and most recently have scheduled most of my housework. In a way it’s crazy, but I am loving it. I read somewhere about someone who did a load of laundry every day to stay on top of it. I tried this, and it worked, I stayed on top of my laundry. Too much. I didn’t really need to do it every day. So I wrote different things into the schedule. And I’m already loving it. For example, I know that this Thursday I’m doing whites. So I know I can put JJ’s church shirt in the laundry and it will be clean and ready to wear next week, rather than stinky and wrinkled and still in the laundry. I’ve scheduled grocery trips, taking the trash out, some dinners, cleaning–and I’ve only just begun! In a way this sounds crazy, but it has given me so much freedom and relaxation. Instead of feeling overwhelmed at all there is to do, I can look at my schedule and do the few things there and feel good about myself. I help JJ clean his room twice a week. And even though it doesn’t stay clean long, I can relax knowing it gets done. I make necessary adjustments here and there and it’s no big deal. Like on Friday, I had vacuum on the list and decided it didn’t really need to get done too badly and I didn’t really feel like it anyway.

The schedule is just a four week schedule. So every other Wednesday I go grocery shopping, and every other Tuesday I plan meals and make a list. Saturdays have a checklist of things to make Sunday mornings not quite so crazy, and every Friday has pizza dinner scheduled.

This past week I went to a class on Speed Cleaning. I’ve been telling people it changed my life. It’s based on a book, Speed Cleaning by Jeff Campbell, and has actually made me excited to clean. That, folks, is nothing short of a miracle. Essentially, it’s a system where you tote your cleaning supplies around in a fancy apron and your cleaning supplies container, and go around each room once, cleaning everything as you go. I learned all about what supplies you should have, many of which they sell on their website, www.thecleanteam.com. Most things can be purchased lots of places, but it was so helpful to know everything I needed to have. I’ve been cleaning in little bursts here and there when JJ is occupied–I need to figure out if I can find a way to do it all at once. It would save me loads of time overall. Our presenter said she cleaned her home in about an hour and 15 minutes. Now she’s an expert and doesn’t have kids, so I might not be quite that quick, but it is inspiring. Any time I save cleaning is a bonus.

Cameron and I happily got to meet his second cousins – Alex, Bennett, and Ruby – The Triplets! Cameron and the triplets were all due Nov 21. The triplets came 10 weeks early, Cameron came 2 days late. So it was a lot of fun to get them together and compare notes on how they are doing, considering they are gestationally the same age. They all look pretty much the same age, and Emily held her heaviest baby with one arm and Cameron with the other, and determined that Cameron is heavier than her 12 pounder, probably about 13 lbs.

And I think we’re all agreed that one baby, even with a very active toddler brother, is significantly more manageable than three! To read more about the triplets, visit Emily’s blog here.

Many moons ago, when I was single, a lot of fine young men would ask what I liked to read. Somewhat sheepishly I replied that I wasn’t much of a reader–I got my scriptures in, but was burned out from all the required reading I’d done as a student and felt I was too busy to read anything else. Thankfully Dustin married me anyway and I’m coming around.
Recently I’ve gotten really excited about reading books that will help me with my now very full-time job of being a wife and mother. Thinking about the quite large chunk of change we’d just spend on books for Dustin’s classes, and having some time on my hands as a nursing mother, I decided it was time to invest in some books for myself. I’m taking it one at a time, not buying the next one until I’m finished with the first. And I only read books that have come highly recommended from others I know and trust.

Here’s what I’ve been reading:
Everyone knows I’m big on this book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
A child who sleeps well = Happy Parents. It’s been delightful to refer back to it and get Cameron started off on the right foot, rather than waiting until things got bad. It’s done wonderful things for my sanity.

And as I just mentioned, I’m a big fan of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. I just finished this book on Monday, and loved the review of everything I learned in the Crucial Conversations training.

Arriving just hours after I finished Crucial Conversations was this book recommended to me last week: Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense. I have felt that JJ’s eating could be improved for quite some time, but wasn’t sure what to do about them. In just the few days since I’ve had the book, things have dramatically improved!!! As a parent, you know you need to be somewhere in the middle of being totally controlling and totally permissive. But the day to day decisions of what’s worth a battle and what isn’t can be so difficult. This book has really helped me recognize how I can do better at the table–in a nutshell: as a parent you determine meal and snack times (making sure your toddler eats every 2-3 hours) and provide a well-rounded meal. The child then decides what they eat and how much. No more battles over finishing your peas (oh wait, that was me) or keeping him from eating just olives for dinner. He tries things when he’s ready, and because we’ve taken all the pressure off and aren’t restrictive, he can naturally get the nutrients he needs. The studies noted in the book have found that almost all kids get all the nutrients they need when allowed to eat this way, as long as they are provided with a variety of quality options. I’m a fan!

As soon as I’m finished with this book, here’s what’s in the lineup:

Totally Organized

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

And I think a few others I’m forgetting. It has been a great experience to learn from the experts and cut out so much of the difficulty that come with trying to figure things out on your own. If you have recommendations please share in the comments! And my apologies to all of the friends that have invited me to GoodReads – once upon a time I set up an account, but have never taken the time to get back there and figure out what to do with it! At least now I’m reading!

Last August I had the great opportunity of attending a two day Crucial Conversations workshop at Vital Smarts in the Riverwoods Office park. It was fabulous! The authors of the book, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High“>Crucial Conversations, have researched what makes organizations successful, and found that the single most important element was the ability to hold effective “crucial conversations”. We all experience crucial conversations on a regular basis–a frustrating situation at work, a touchy subject at home–you know, the difficult and usually unpleasant conversations. The authors outline the elements of how to talk about anything in a safe, effective way.

I have found the Crucial Conversations program fascinating and inspiring. It’s one of those things that I have found so helpful and enlightening that I want to share it with everyone. It’s helped me realize I can be more honest in my communications, and resolve difficult situations in a calm manner that leaves everyone happy. If you ever get the opportunity to go to the training, go! It’s well worth it. Many people are offered the opportunity through their employers and if you’re lucky, as friends or family of a Vital Smarts employee. But if you don’t have the opportunity to go, check out www.crucialconversations.com for their free newsletter, MP3 Audio Samples, and more.

I have found that even learning one little nugget of their skills can help immensely. For example, one thing they teach is to ask yourself what it is you really want. I’ve found that sometimes I get really frustrated and upset about a situation, but by stepping back and deciding what I really want, I can focus on what needs to happen to make that happen, thereby letting a lot of the frustration go. They teach it a whole lot better than I do, take a few minutes to check it out! It will help you no matter what your life situation is!

Lately some strange things have been happening. Sunday, after JJ’s nap (hooray for 9:00 church!) Dustin discovered him playing with toys in his room. Dustin asked if I’d taken the boy out of his crib and left him in his room. No, I said, I thought you were in there with him and took him out. He hadn’t either. We didn’t hear a thing–no crash, no tears, just playing. I kept asking myself if I could have gone in there and forgotten. No, I don’t think so. Uh oh.

Today, JJ was playing in the sink with his measuring cup (he asked for it, he likes the handle) and pouring water back and forth. I was nursing Cameron. After a while, I looked in and noticed JJ was playing with the sifter. Did I sift anything today? Yeah right. I kept racking my brain—could it have fallen out when I got the measuring cup out of the cabinet above the counter? I don’t think so. The real crazy part was that the cabinet door was closed. He had to have climbed on the counter, gotten it out and shut the cabinet door and gotten back on the chair. Can he do that? I guess he knows better than to let me see him doing this.

Now that we’re all getting used to each other and a new routine, I have to say, I am loving our little growing family. I really have to confess, until recently, anytime I would see or hear about someone who has more than 2 children, especially young ones, or children closer together than mine, I would feel completely overwhelmed for them. How do people do this? But as I’ve adjusted to somehow managing a rather persistent and rambunctious almost two year old, and a fairly calm but still needy newborn for at least 8 or 9 hours a day, 6 days a week, I’ve realized that your capacity really does increase and somehow things just work out. It’s even made me think that not only might I actually be able to handle more kids down the road, I’m looking forward to it!

Another thought that keeps coming back is how grateful I am we decided and were able to have these little guys when we did. We were married not quite 15 months when JJ joined us, and just over 3 years when Cameron joined the party. To be honest, we really didn’t feel ready for JJ–I worried about being ready for such a huge lifestyle change and all the freedoms I would give up. Dustin would have liked to build more financial security. We were both pretty nervous about having what it would take to provide for all of the emotional and physical needs of a baby. But we didn’t feel like we should wait, and as they always do, things have worked out incredibly well. The boys have all they need and more and we feel incredibly more complete and happy having them in our lives. And now that I’m thinking about just how wonderful these sweet little bundles are, and realizing that my prime child-bearing days are numbered, I’m incredibly grateful they came when they did.

On that note, here’s a recent priceless moment with JJ:
Sunday morning, and JJ’s way over due for a bath. Not the top of my priority list lately, nor his. Suddenly his love of the bathtub has disappeared. But with Dustin home, I think it’s a prime opportunity to get that boy clean. After much coaxing, he finally agrees to “take a bathtub” with Dad. They are both in the shower, and Dustin is scrubbing himself clean with the poof when he smells something bad. He smells the poof, and can’t figure out what it is when JJ says “I dropped a poopie in a bathtub. get out, Get Out, GET OUT!” Without his glasses Dustin couldn’t see the little gift but get out he gladly did. Sure enough, JJ doesn’t lie, and it was more than just a little gift. Dustin earned his stars cleaning it up and disinfecting the tub and the toys, not to mention the blowout Cameron graced us with later that evening. What a guy.

We’ve done it. We’re one day short of having two kids for two weeks, and technically we didn’t have both of them together since about 10 days ago. But nonetheless, I’m pleased to announce that we’re all still alive, healthy and almost always happy (because realistically, what kid is happy 100% of the time?). After having Dustin and lots of family help the first week of Thanksgiving, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do when everyone went back to school and work and I was on my own. But with help from our ward and friends, things went relatively smoothly with only a few difficult moments. JJ has warmed up to Cameron and now the bigger concern is making sure JJ doesn’t smother or squash Cameron. Or share the cold he managed to contract (he’s three weeks in a row home from church, all primarily because he’s sick! Not fun timing).

A lot of people told me they worried they wouldn’t love their second child as much as they loved their first. This was never as much of a concern for me as being able to give both kids enough attention and just take care of both of them. There have been moments this last week when I feel bad for one of the boys who has to wait while I take care of the other one. I’ve wondered if I’ll be able to give Cameron the attention he needs to develop and learn as well as JJ has. But then I remember, I’m the oldest child, and have a sister almost the exact same distance apart as JJ and Cameron. I came first, but she definitely outscored me on every standardized test possible. And I’m certainly grateful my parents didn’t decide to stop having kids after I was born–my siblings and I are all best friends!

Anyway, life is good, here are some pictures:

At five days old, we have been overwhelmed with the love, support and offers to help extended to us from all of our friends and family. Thank you so much to everyone!

Cameron is doing really well, eating and sleeping well and all around a delight. It is such a nice change to have a normal and healthy baby, rather than one that requires extra visits to the doctor and other specialists to make sure he’s recovering and okay from his traumatic birth experience. We are deeply, deeply grateful for the miracles of modern medicine and that we have JJ to show for it.

We are loving the addition to our family, although at times it can be overwhelming. We were really looking forward to having JJ meet Cameron after we got home from the hospital (no kids under 14 allowed to visit the hospital), but JJ didn’t even want to get close. JJ’s been especially active, and Dustin and I looked at each other and asked, “How are we going to do this?” We’re getting used to it. JJ’s warming up a little now, thinking about holding Cameron’s hand and acknowledging his presence. JJ’s suddenly discovered he loves doing things to get attention, and has begun singing “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” very loudly at the dinner table and any other time he thinks the attention ought to come “Back to Me”. He loved having his grandparents and aunts and uncle around to play with and keep him entertained.

We had an excellent delivery experience. After having contractions for the last three months, being dilated to a 4 since 38 weeks, we thought sure this baby would come early and quickly. At 38 weeks the doctor said he thought I had less than a week. At 39 weeks, when we decided to schedule an induction a week out, the doctor said he didn’t think I’d need it. I am so glad I scheduled it! I never did go into labor on my own, so the hospital called Monday morning and invited us in. I felt a bit bummed not to have a spontaneous delivery, but now that everything is over, I am so grateful it worked out the way it did.

Perhaps the best part of the induction was that I got to take a nice long, hot shower and was just finishing putting lotion on when the hospital called. That is a real luxury to the mother of a toddler! It was so nice to walk into the hospital without pain and know we weren’t going to be sent home.

We asked the doctor if he would just start with breaking my water, which he agreed to do. I’d felt like I’ve been in the early stages of labor for a month, so I suspected that would be all it took to get things going. I was dilated to a 5 before he broke my water, so I really wonder if I would have just continued to slowly dilate for who knows how long without intervention. They told me not to wait too long to get the epidural, since things could move fast, but I wanted to have at least a little pain before I got it so that I knew it was worth it. About 20 minutes after the doctor broke my water, I wasn’t feeling much pain or strong contractions, and started to wonder what I should do. I noticed that the nurse had noted that my contractions were getting stronger and closer. Perhaps it was all mental, but it was shortly after that that I started to feel stronger contractions and got the epidural. It was much smoother than last time. I could actually understand the anesthesiologist and he was quite helpful. I progressed at a good rate after that–a 6 an hour later, a 7 1/2 and then almost a 10. The nurse called the doctor, he eventually made it and they had me start pushing. One big difference from last time–I think I pushed for 45 minutes or so before they ever had the doctor come in. I think this time around they didn’t think it would take long. After 25 minutes of pushing, Cameron was born. The first thing the doctor noticed was his big cheeks, and then he and the nurses were just sure he was over 10 lbs and were placing bets. They were all a little disappointed he wasn’t over 10 lbs. I guess I was too, since I had already done the hard work of getting him out!

They did all of the routine aftermath, and we hardly knew what to do, since it was so different with JJ. My recovery has been good, although I must say not quite as good as with JJ. I think I was extremely blessed with JJ to be feeling almost normal almost immediately, since JJ’s required a lot more from me. This time around my biggest complaint was a sore tailbone, not surprising with such a big baby! I am feeling good, better every day!

We now have a Thanksgiving and a Christmas baby. I don’t know how that worked out, but I must say that in a way I like it. It’s nice to be able to celebrate those birthdays, and to recover from it all during a down time any way. Dustin’s been off of school for a week now! I really can say that even though the timing of it all wasn’t my own, it has very much been for the best. We were able to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family, which I was very grateful for, especially because the plans were all pending the arrival of this baby! Thank you to everyone who patiently accommodated his arrival!

Just home from the hospital

Cameron finally made it! It was a longer wait than we were anticipating, but he was worth it and we’re very grateful for how well it’s all worked out.

Cameron weighed 9 lbs 13 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. The delivery was very smooth and we are all doing well. A little tired, but doing well.